|"York Dispatch," November 28, 1905. (All clippings via Newspapers.com)|
When normal people think of Thanksgiving, they picture large family dinners, a relaxing day watching football in front of the TV, a general atmosphere of comfort and contentment.
Me, I picture turkeys being used as lethal weapons and guided missiles. The "Passaic Herald-News," November 23, 1956:
This inventive lady celebrated the holiday by weaponizing a turkey and a Scrabble board!
|"Tampa Bay Times," January 26, 1997. Sadly, history does not record why she threw the turkey.|
This wife managed to include the whole damn dinner in her assault. William was wise to file for divorce before Christmas. Heaven only knows what plans his spouse had for the tree.
|"Dayton Herald," December 16, 1913|
More proof that Thanksgiving turkeys and divorce go together like potatoes and gravy:
|"Hackensack Record," September 2, 1926|
"Dad, what was your most memorable Thanksgiving ever?"
|"Newark Advocate," November 26, 1982|
Some holiday dinners really escalate quickly.
|"Kansas City Times," November 24, 1972|
If this headline doesn't turn all of you into vegetarians, I don't know what will.
|"Santa Cruz Sentinel," November 24, 1964|
And, finally, an obviously much-needed reminder that Thanksgiving dishes are meant for eating, not cold-cocking your loved ones. May all my American readers have a happy, calorie-filled holiday!
|"Louisville Courier-Journal," November 28, 1935|