Newspaper Clipping of the Day

via Newspapers.com

Many people celebrate the holiday season by going on a bender, but there aren't many who have done so with the dedication and originality of one otherwise forgotten Englishman. From the "Boston Globe," January 10, 1879:

John Wren, a middle-aged Englishman of Cleveland, left that city several months ago, says the Cleveland Voice, to visit his son in England. He met many old friends, who gave him a warm welcome, and after a time a wine party was gotten up especially for him. John, who had not taken anything since two years ago, when he had an attack of tremens, partook freely of the wine and got very drunk. About three weeks ago he arrived home, and when he got into the Union depot was stupidly intoxicated. A friend who recognized him took him in charge and had him conveyed to his home near the Central market. Here he lay drunk for some time, and when he began recovering consciousness he asked for whiskey. On being refused this, Wren set up a screaming, and began breaking the furniture. In order to quiet him they were compelled to give more whiskey, and after a time he was rendered drunk enough to remove to Charity hospital. Here he was treated by a physician, and, after being unconscious four days, came to his senses. Seeing Sister Peter in the room he asked for some whiskey, which she refused.

"If you don't give it to me," said Wren, "I shall holler or break the furniture."

"It won't hurt us," replied the Sister; "to have you 'holler,' and if you break the furniture, you are able to pay for it."

Wren then asked for his English friends, being evidently under the impression that be was still in England. The sister said they were not there, when Wren became very angry, saying that they were very mean to leave him that way among strangers and away from home. He then told the sister to get a sheet of writing paper, and write to his family in Cleveland, Ohio, in America, and tell them to send him money to get home with. The sister, much amused, asked him if there was a hospital In Cleveland, and he replied that there was, naming and describing the location of Charity hospital. She then enlightened him as to his whereabouts, when he exclaimed:

"My God, have I crossed the Atlantic ocean drunk?"

Wren says that he has no recollection of anything from the time he was drinking wine at the party until when he woke up in Charity Hospital. He thought the hospital was one that was near the town where he was visiting. His friends must have put him on board the steamer at Liverpool, and they must have provided him with tickets and money to pass him through. When found at the Union depot he had two large whiskey bottles in his pocket. The case is a remarkable one, and we are certain that there have not been many instances where a man has travelled over 4000 miles safely while completely impeded with liquor.

Let's hope Mr. Wren went back on the wagon after his adventure. He either couldn't handle liquor at all or handled it far too well, I'm not sure which.