"...we should pass over all biographies of 'the good and the great,' while we search carefully the slight records of wretches who died in prison, in Bedlam, or upon the gallows."
~Edgar Allan Poe

Wednesday, October 30, 2013

Newspaper Clipping of the Day, Halloween Edition

In honor of Halloween, I present a tale that comes directly from that infamous lair of horror and evil, New York's Marriage License Bureau.  It appeared in the "New York Tribune" on November 1, 1921. Look out for those Goblin Cats!

via Newspapers.com

Young men bewitched to the point of matrimony thronged the Marriage License Bureau in the Municipal Building with their enchanting fiancees yesterday and everything was as merry as a marriage bell until just at dusk, when the Halloween goblins were mustering.

At that mystic hour Joseph J. McCormick, Deputy City Clerk, threw open the door of the marriage chapel with beneficent gesture and was astounded to see the happy couple he was shepherding draw back in perturbation. He glanced into the room. Its sole occupant was a black cat which sat in the clerk's chair glaring at him.

Nothing would persuade that couple to get married there. One glimpse of that apparition on Halloween was enough. They departed in spite of Mr. McCormick's protests that it was just a cat. Even Mr. McCormick's equanimity was shaken when he returned to the office alone and found that the black cat had vanished, although all the doors and windows were closed.

Monday, October 28, 2013

The Impossible Death of Isidore Fink



The “locked room murder” is a favorite among mystery writers. Of course, they always provide a solution in the last chapter. Real life, however, is not only stranger than fiction, it is much more disobliging. Not even the cleverest detective novelist can explain how 30-year-old Isidore Fink died.

Fink owned a small laundry in New York City. As was often the case among small businessmen of the day, he lived in his workplace. On the night of March 9, 1929, he retired to his quarters after a seemingly uneventful day. At about 10:30, a neighbor, Mrs. Locklan Smith, heard sounds of a scuffle and quickly summoned a nearby policeman. Patrolman Kattenbane found all the doors to Fink’s quarters were locked from the inside. The windows were nailed shut—also from the inside. Even if the windows were broken, they were too small for an adult to squeeze through. The policeman found an open transom window above the door and boosted a small, thin boy high enough to crawl through the little opening and unlock a door.

They found Fink lying on the floor, dead from three gunshot wounds, one of which was in his left wrist, which was powder-marked. The immediate assumption was that his death must have been a suicide.

But where was the gun?

Nothing was missing from the premises, including money in Fink's pockets and the cash drawer, which seemed to rule out robbery. The only fingerprints found in the room were Fink’s. His gas iron was still on and resting on the ironing board. It had not had time to scorch the cloth. Customers of Fink's said that for the past year, they had been greatly inconvenienced because of his insistence on keeping his door locked and admitting only people he recognized. Fink had no enemies, they explained, but he was terrified of robbery--not an unnatural fear in that neighborhood. The laundryman appeared to have been killed by a ghost.

Fink’s death was so uniquely, inexplicably peculiar that even the most wild-eyed theorists admitted defeat. The best the authorities could do by way of a solution was that an extremely thin gymnast had somehow, without attracting any attention, crawled through the tiny transom, shot Fink for reasons unknown, and fled through the same route, scorning the more plebeian method of simply unlocking the front door.

People were so desperate to find a solution to Fink’s shooting that they suggested the killer somehow managed to fire at the laundryman through the transom. Unfortunately for that theory, Fink’s powder burns indicated he had been shot at very close range. Fink's death remains, as the city's Police Commissioner Edward Mulrooney said, an "insoluble mystery."

Charles Fort, everyone’s favorite go-to guy for weird phenomena, offered in his book “Wild Talents” a characteristically darkly whimsical scenario for Fink’s death. For all we know, it may be the closest anyone has come to the truth of what happened that night:

“The story of Isidor Fink is a story of a fear that preceded a murder. It could be that Fink's was a specific fear, of somebody whom he had harmed, and not a general fear of the hold-ups that, at the time, were so prevalent in New York City. According to Police Commissioner Mulrooney, it was impossible, in terms of ordinary human experience, to explain this closed-room murder--

Or Isidor Fink, at work in his laundry--and his mind upon somebody whom he had injured--and that his fears of revenge were picturing an assassination of which he was the victim--that his physical body was seized upon by his own picturization of himself, as shot by an enemy.”


One of our greatest dangers lies in our power to manifest our deepest fears.

Friday, October 25, 2013

Weekend Link Dump


Strange company regrets to note that the cats are still reading this blog's archives.


Here is this week's Walk Through the Weird.  Be sure to take notes, because most of this will be on the final exam.

What the hell is the Yeti?

What the hell is walking around Red Bluff, California?

What the hell landed in Iceland?

What the hell happened to these 15th century Californians?

Who the hell was this 19th century Coloradan?

What the hell is buried beneath this 19th century Indian fort?

What the hell is buried beneath 21st century Nottingham?

What the hell is the Dorabella Cipher?

Watch out for those vampiric music teachers!

Watch out for those Georgian college students!

Watch out for those cemeteries!

Watch out for those snakes!

Watch out for those hotels!

Watch out for those black diamonds!

Above all, watch out for those Evangelical-hunting stags owned by Cornish vicars!

Ah, the 18th century, that bygone time when ladies were so genteel and demure.

What if the truth is not "out there," but under our very noses...and we're just too damn stupid to know it?

Because around here, we love our ancient curses.

For God's sake, someone give this poor whale a hug.

The Saxon Queen Eadburh:  Just how rotten was she?

What's spookier than an average cemetery?  An abandoned cemetery, of course!

"Wee of Ye Jury find no bill and ye person IGNORAMOUS": The story of North Carolina's first witchcraft trial.

So, if this theory is correct, when ETs do land on our planet, we're all going to find ourselves colonized by Barney.

Why it's never, but never, a good idea to use ancient grave sites as building material.

Olive Thomas:  The Flapper Ghost of Broadway.

Sex, snuff, bad whiskey, novel reading, and the Salvation Army:  A how-to guide for going insane in the 19th century.

Was Jack the Ripper two serial killers in one?

Old New York's greatest ghost hits.

When Oscar met Frisco.

The demon that walks through Washington D.C.  Bet you're surprised to learn there's only one of them.

Well, there you have it.  We meet again on Monday, when I'll be discussing a death that has become the classic real-life "locked-room murder mystery."

Wednesday, October 23, 2013

Newspaper Clipping of the Day


Today's mini-mystery took place in Pasadena, California, on December 12, 1931.  While 29-year-old Marie Galloway Baker slept in her bedroom, only a few hours after the end of a "gay bridge party" at her home, an explosion went off that hurled her bed nearly through the roof. It half-demolished the house, and killed her instantly. Her 60-year-old husband, a wealthy oil man named W.A. Baker, was sleeping in the den at the time. He "escaped without a scratch," although he was only about 20 feet away from his wife's room.

Investigators were utterly baffled by what caused the explosion. Gas was ruled out early. Bomb experts found no trace of detonation materials such as dynamite or powder. The Associated Press reported that "the full force of the explosion was concentrated almost beneath [Mrs. Baker's] room." Although other sections of the large one-story home were damaged, the area where Mr. Baker slept was untouched. (No explanation was given why the couple slept apart.)

Baker said he had been involved in several contentious oil transactions, and conceded "It looks as though someone was after someone." However, no one had any idea who that "someone" may have been, and the cause of the blast was never discovered. The jury at Mrs. Baker's inquest had no choice but to return an open verdict.

The Bakers had been married only five years. Two years before they wed, Mr. Baker's first wife hanged herself following a long illness. Charles Fort, who took note of this strange tragedy in his book "Wild Talents," slyly hinted that the baffling death--murder?--of the second wife may somehow be traceable to the restless, unhappy spirit of the first.

But, of course, we all find such speculations utterly ridiculous.

Don't we?

Monday, October 21, 2013

Daniel Lambert, Georgian Era Heavyweight

London Morning Chronicle, April 2, 1806


If one is fortunate enough to have a slim, beautiful body, it is no great feat to make money displaying it to the world in some manner or another. To gain a fortune as well as lasting fame out of having the reverse is a notable achievement.

Probably the ultimate example of the latter was Daniel Lambert. Born in Leicester, England on March 13, 1770, his early years were a placid, anonymous middle-class existence. At the age of about eighteen, he took over his father’s position as the keeper of the city jail. The young Lambert was a kindly man, who—somewhat unusually for jail keepers of his day—did his utmost to treat his prisoners with humanity. In return, he was as well-liked by the inmates as he was by his peers. However, his true interest was sport. The 5' 11" Lambert had always been immensely strong—he once fought off a dancing bear that was attacking his dog—and he was much admired for his knowledge of sporting animals such as dogs and horses.

Lambert led an athletic life, and claimed not to eat or drink to excess. Nevertheless, in his twenties, he began to put on an immense amount of weight. By the time his jail closed in 1805, he weighed over seven hundred pounds, making him the heaviest known person up to his day. He measured some nine and a half feet around.  His size made it virtually impossible to hold a normal job, he was painfully sensitive about his appearance and the curiosity it aroused, and for a time he became a sad recluse.  However, perfect strangers, hearing of his unusual physique, would frequently rudely invade his privacy on various flimsy pretexts simply in order to see him for themselves.  His pension from the prison was proving inadequate for his needs, so although he loathed being regarded as an oddity, he made the practical decision that if people were determined to stare they may as well pay for the privilege.

In the spring of 1806 he moved to London, (a special extra-large carriage had to be built for him,) charging admission for the curious to visit this "greatest Curiosity in the World."  People at first came merely to gawk, but were soon charmed by his intelligent, naturally humorous personality.  He was well-read, gentlemanly, and even sang in a fine tenor voice.  The "Times" wrote:  "The concourse of fashionable visitors to the house of Mr. Lambert...has been very great, during the last two days.  To find a man of his uncommon dimensions...possessing great information, manners the most affable and pleasing, and a perfect ease and facility in conversation, exceeded our expectations...The female spectators were greater in proportion than those of the other sex, and not a few of them have been heard to declare, how much they admired his manly and intelligent countenance."   This "prodigy of human dimensions" held salons of a sort in his apartments, where visiting him soon became quite a fad among London’s elite. He was even presented to King George III.

Lambert maintained his dignity in the face of what could easily have become humiliating circumstances.  He refused to let his "salons" become a zoo. When one visitor refused to remove his hat, Lambert ordered him to leave, "as I do not consider it a mark of respect due to myself, but to the ladies and gentlemen who honor me with their company." When one woman persisted with insensitive questions about the cost of his extra-large size wardrobe, he silenced her by remarking,  "I cannot pretend to charge my memory with the price, but I can put you into a method of obtaining the information you want. If you think proper to make me a present of a new coat, you will then know exactly what it costs."



After a few months of this, Lambert understandably tired of being a sideshow, however fashionable. He went back home to Leicester a rich man, and devoted himself to watching his favorite sporting events. He made a very profitable business breeding dogs, and embarked on short, but highly successful exhibition tours. Although he never married or, as far as is known, had any sort of romantic relationship, he had a wide circle of friends, and continued to be a subject of interest for the press.

It is a bit of a puzzle how Lambert became so gigantic. Despite his size, his health was good, and he showed no recorded signs of glandular or genetic disorders. It is today stated that, his own statements to the contrary, he must have eaten far too much and exercised far too little, but as proof of this is lacking, that must remain only an assumption.

Lambert died very suddenly while "on tour" in Stamford, on June 21, 1809. Up until a few moments before his death, he appeared in good health and spirits. There was no autopsy, so it is unknown why he died. The best modern theory is that he had a pulmonary embolism. It took twenty men half an hour to move his enormous casket into the grave.

As short as his fame may have been, he remained a major cultural figure for decades after his death. As Charles Dickens once wrote, "Lambert's name is known better than his history."  After his death, his personal possessions were preserved as souvenirs, eventually finding their way into museums.  (Many are still on exhibition.)  For years, a "Lambert" was a term used to describe anyone or anything of notably large size.  His fame spread to the United States when P.T. Barnum purchased a waxwork of Lambert and displayed it in his American Museum in New York.  In 1838, a collection of poems purportedly written by Lambert was published.  The verses are almost certainly a hoax, but they are a testament to his posthumous popularity.

Images of him were used in political cartoons, as a symbol of Britain's formidable might against foreign enemies.  (One popular drawing depicted Lambert on horseback attacking Napoleon, who dropped his sword and cried in terror, "Parbleu!  If dis be de specimen of de English Light Horse vat vil de Heavy Horse be?  Oh, by Gar, I vill put off de Invasion for an oder time!")

Even today, he is still regarded as one of Leicester’s “most cherished icons.” On the 200th anniversary of his death, the city held a “Daniel Lambert Day,” that attracted close to a thousand people eager to honor the memory of one of the best-beloved heavyweights in history.



[Note:  Many thanks to the Curator of The Pet Museum for suggesting Lambert as a topic for this blog.]

Friday, October 18, 2013

Weekend Link Dump


This past week, strange company made the mistake of allowing the cats to read this blog.


On to this week's Link-O-Rama:

What the hell is walking around in Iowa?

What the hell is walking around in Texas?

What the hell is walking around in Windham County?

What the hell was walking around in Massachusetts?

What the hell is flying over Switzerland?

What the hell was going on in this pet cemetery?

What the hell is Spring-heeled Jack?

Watch out for those Ninth Symphonies!

Watch out for those Ouija Boards!

The head cold that changed the history of  space travel.

Mark Twain meets Nikola Tesla.

Stromboli:  The racehorse whose owner/trainer loved him not wisely but too well.

Waverly Hills: The most haunted hospital in America?

Budgeyser.

This week's "Let's face it, we just don't know jack about history" story.

Witches are still going strong in Lithuania.

Digitally excavating an incredible ancient secret library.

Scary places in Los Angeles.  As they left out my house, this list is shamefully incomplete.

The life of a 19th century Irish medical student:  Drunks, duels, pranks and practice.  Probably in that order.

Death and cupcakes.

The busy, busy bones of Christopher Columbus.

Severed arms and premature burials:  Church-going, Prague-style.

It seems that using Saran-Wrap as shrouds doesn't work too well.

Some healthy skepticism about healthy skepticism.

Guess what, "Walking Dead" fans:  We already came pretty damn close to a Zombie Apocalypse, and it wasn't much fun.

Why did Maura clean Barbra's basin?  Why did Barbra cut her own hand off?  The world wants to know!

30,000 year old Brazilian pornography?

My new favorite person in history:  Mr. Glibberie of Halesteed, "a verie ridiculous preacher."

Of electric fossils and thundercrabs.

Want to know what it's like to fall through the stratosphere?  Here you go:



There you have it for this week. See you all on Monday, when we will meet a real Georgian-Era heavyweight.

Wednesday, October 16, 2013

Newspaper Clipping of the Day



If it's Wednesday, that must mean it's time for Weird Blood Sightings!

Yup, I've got another one.  This particular sanguinary riddle is brought to us courtesy of the Virgin Islands in 1962.  A woman named Mary Maguire reported to police that one morning, she woke up to find a trail of blood in her kitchen that led to the bedroom of her young son, who was sleeping in peaceful ignorance that anything peculiar had happened.  She found blood on her refrigerator, kitchen floor, a kitchen cabinet, on her son's bed, and on his chest of drawers.  Mrs. Maguire thought she heard a gate opening around 1 a.m., but aside from that neither she nor her son had seen or heard anything during the night.  Nothing was missing from the Maguire house, and a check of local hospitals indicated that no one had been treated for any injuries that could account for all this blood-letting.

And that, as is usual with our Mystery Blood incidents, seems to have been that.

Incidentally, if you think these stories are creepy, just wait until I get around to posting some of the numerous Mystery Explosion clippings I've accumulated.